Here’s Everything Dropping on Netflix TODAY!!!!

Last month, we experienced Netflix taking our complaints to heart. They uploaded COMPLETE film anthologies instead of dropping random sequels on us. This month, they are back on their bullshit. Not only this but I’ve discovered these wonderful sons of bitches don’t usually add new movies to the “Recently Added” tab for several days.

This, my friends is why you have me…and the other 300 sites that do this article.

Here’s everything coming to Netflix this month. Lover’s month. Sexy time.

February 1st

• 3000 Miles to Graceland (2001)
• 42 Grams (2017)
• Aeon Flux (2005)
• American Pie (1999)

How are you gonna have every ‘American Pie’ known to man and randomly leave out part 3? I’m inches from going full on ‘Falling Down’ Michael Douglas over this unbalanced horse shit. I might actually be having a panic attack right now, please hold me.

• American Pie 2 (2001)
• American Pie Presents: Band Camp (2005)
• American Pie Presents: The Book of Love (2009)
• American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile (2006)
• Ella Enchanted (2004)
• Extract (2009)

Ben Affleck is a drug dealer, TJ Miller plays in a metal band called God’s Cock, it also stars Jason Bateman and Kristen Wiig and the whole thing is directed by Mike Judge. I recommend it. It’s a solid, weird little movie.

• GoodFellas (1990)

I lose sleep at night thinking about a world where you didn’t get to see this movie before you died. It’s one of the greatest films ever made and they provide a prison spaghetti recipe.

• How the Beatles Changed the World (2017)
• John Mellencamp: Plain Spoken (2017)
• Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
• Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004)

Quentin Tarantino dialogue and karate for multiple hours will have you snorting cocaine and doing park-core in your kitchen. That’s either what you want or it isn’t.

• Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001)
• Liberated: The New Sexual Revolution (2017)

I have no idea what ‘Liberated: The New Sexual Revolution’ is but this was the picture for it I promise.

• Meet the Parents (2000)
• Meet the Fockers (2004)

‘Meet the Parents’ is still underrated and hilarious; If you’ve ever been hated deeply by your significant others parents or had an ex-boyfriend who widdles beach wood.

• Men in Black (1997)
• National Parks Adventure (2016)
• Ocean’s Eleven (2001)
• Ocean’s Thirteen (2007)
• Ocean’s Twelve (2004)

NETFLIX! You did it! You added the entire ‘Ocean Eleven’ collection instead of just adding ‘Oceans 12’ randomly! Even if you did pick the ONE trilogy where every goddamn film is practically the same. You still did it!

• Paint It Black (2016)
• Scream 3 (2000)

Why? Why, why why? Why? Why would you add Scream 3 and not any of the other Scream films? IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!!!! EVERYONE’S A SUSPECT!!!!!

• The Hurt Locker (2008)

One of the best war movies ever made. Jeremy Renner managed to capture an inner intensity I haven’t seen since Mel Gibson as Riggs in the original ‘Lethal Weapon’ (Don’t laugh, ‘Lethal Weapon’ was a lot more serious than many remember).

• Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (2007)
• ZNation (Season 4)

February 2nd

• Altered Carbon (Season 1) Netflix Original Series
• Cabin Fever (2002)

It’s scary in spots, gory always (THE SHAVING SCENE! OH GOD THE SHAVING SCENE!), and absolutely hilarious. Cabin Fever is smartly stupid and a 10/10 to this guy.

• Coach Snoop (Season 1) Netflix Original Series
• Kavin Jay: Everybody Calm Down! Netflix Original Standup Special
• Luna Petunia: Return to Amazia (Season 1) Netflix Original Series
• On Body and Soul Netflix Original Movie

February 6th

• Fred Armisen: Standup For Drummers Netflix Original Standup Special
• Valor (Season 1) The CW Exclusive

February 7th

• Imposters (Season 1)
• Queer Eye (Season 1) Netflix Original Series

February 8th

• 6 Days (2017)
• The Emoji Movie (2017)

February 9th

• Fate/Apocrypha (Part 2) Netflix Original Anime Series
• My Next Guest Needs No Introduction With David Letterman: George Clooney Netflix Original Series
• Seeing Allred Netflix Original
• The Ritual Netflix Original
• The Trader (Sovdagari) Netflix Original
• When We First Met Netflix Original

February 14th

• Greenhouse Academy (Season 2) Netflix Original Series
• Love Per Square Foot Netflix Original

February 15th

• Deep Undercover Collection (Collection 2)
• Re:Mind (Season 1) Netflix Original

February 16th

• DreamWorks Dragons: Race to the Edge (Season 6) Netflix Original Series
• Evan Almighty (2007)
• Everything Sucks! (Season 1) Netflix Original Series
• Irreplaceable You Netflix Original
• First Team: Juventus (Season 1) Netflix Original Series

February 17th

• Blood Money (2017)

February 18th

• The Joel McHale Show with Joel McHale Netflix Original

February 19th

• Dismissed
• FullMetal Alchemist Netflix Original

February 20th

• Bates Motel (Season 5)

Look, all I want to know is does he bang his Mom? I’ve seen a few seasons and I think it’s gonna happen. No, I’m not a sicko, asshole. Hey, have you ever seen that movie ‘Sleepwalkers’?

• The Frankenstein Chronicles: Season 1 and Season 2 Netflix Original

February 21st

• Forgotten Netflix Original (Honestly though Netflix is putting out so much shit they literally forgot the name of this one?)
• Lincoln (2012)
• The Bachelors (2017)

February 22nd

• Atomic Puppet (Season 1) Netflix Original Series

February 23rd

• Marseille (Season 2) Netflix Original Series
• Mute Netflix Original
• Seven Seconds (Season 1) Netflix Original Series
• Ugly Delicious (Season 1) Netflix Original Series

February 24th

• Jeepers Creepers 3 (2017)

Netflix is the perfect way to watch a movie you wanted to see without putting money into a convicted Pedophiles pocket (Google Victor Salva). Still yet, I’ve heard Jeepers Creepers 3 is worse than drinking the actual Creepers bath water. Not surprising, considering it went from theaters to the Sci-Fi channel in exactly twelve minutes.

February 26th

• El Vato (Season 2)
• Heyday of the Insensitive Bastards (2017)
• People You May Know (2016)
• Sin Senos sí Hay Paraíso (Season 2)
• Winnie

February 27th

• Derren Brown: The Push Netflix Original Standup
• Marlon Wayans: Woke-ish Netflix Original Standup

See you next month! I mean, I do write other things you son of a bitch. Follow me on Medium so that I can verbally abuse you further.